Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
