After last night, I could never be a politician.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
