Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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