my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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