I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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