note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
