I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
