I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
