Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
