you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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