After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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