she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
