I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
