Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
