dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
