the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
