Screwed.edu
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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