On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
