Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
