Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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