I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
