Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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