I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
