I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Less talking, more tequila
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
