do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
my poor anus
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
