Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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