I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
