Where did you get a picture of my penis
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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