U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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