And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
