You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
