i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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