I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
