if only i could text you this smell
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
