just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
