TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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