you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
