we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
