Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
