just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
