New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
