i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
