Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i've created a new STD.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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