theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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