went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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