I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just puked most of my soul out..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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