I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
