dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
