I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
