so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize