so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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