No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
