remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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