I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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