You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009