I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night