How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
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second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.