I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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