i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.