note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
