i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
