I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
