a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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