I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
