Fine. I'll sleep in my office
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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