There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
