we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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