I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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