First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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